WTF?

My stats went up sooo much the last two days.

I had over 400+ views today.

I am thrilled.

The more my story is read, the more my voice is heard. and the more people understand this disorder for what it is – an illness.

Yesterday I was holding a piece of Cobbs bread while waiting for my kids on the driveway.  My mother was leaving my house at the same time – we congregated outside waiting for the little rascals.

I told her how much the kids love the bread and how good it smells – as I took a wiff.

She said, “So have a bite” – I said no.

She said “Why not, just have a small bite if you enjoy it.”

And she’s right.  Why the fuck not?

My mind is trained to think about food, weight and body image in a stupid, dumb, non-realistic way I don’t think about the scenario but act on it right away with my “trained” thoughts of eating what I know and eating my “safe” foods.

My mom left.  I took a bite of the bread.

Guess what happened?  Absolutely nothing.  No wait – something did happen.  I enjoyed the Cobbs bread that I love.

It’s amazing how routine brings patterns.  By constantly turning away things that I love, enjoy, crave, deserve and want – I convince myself that I shouldn’t have them.

Recovering from an eating disorder is all about retraining your thoughts.  To think about what you actually want.

I actually wanted that piece of bread – so I actually had it.

Delish.

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