My stats went up sooo much the last two days.
I had over 400+ views today.
I am thrilled.
The more my story is read, the more my voice is heard. and the more people understand this disorder for what it is – an illness.
Yesterday I was holding a piece of Cobbs bread while waiting for my kids on the driveway. My mother was leaving my house at the same time – we congregated outside waiting for the little rascals.
I told her how much the kids love the bread and how good it smells – as I took a wiff.
She said, “So have a bite” – I said no.
She said “Why not, just have a small bite if you enjoy it.”
And she’s right. Why the fuck not?
My mind is trained to think about food, weight and body image in a stupid, dumb, non-realistic way I don’t think about the scenario but act on it right away with my “trained” thoughts of eating what I know and eating my “safe” foods.
My mom left. I took a bite of the bread.
Guess what happened? Absolutely nothing. No wait – something did happen. I enjoyed the Cobbs bread that I love.
It’s amazing how routine brings patterns. By constantly turning away things that I love, enjoy, crave, deserve and want – I convince myself that I shouldn’t have them.
Recovering from an eating disorder is all about retraining your thoughts. To think about what you actually want.
I actually wanted that piece of bread – so I actually had it.