Therapists mean well. I know everyone I have met with wants to try and help me get better. They want to see me succeed.
Coping is the one thing they all try to help with. Coping with urges and temptations are the key to trying to recover.
But telling me to take a walk? Write down my feelings? Those aren’t coping mechanisms. Those are just prolonging the inevitable. It’s not dealing with it. It’s the same with nutritionists. I know they all want to help. But telling me to eat a baked potato or a bowl of pasta is not going to make me better.
An Eating Disorder is all about baby steps. It’s about getting to the root of the problem and finding out why, when, where and how. Not just disguising the problem by making the person eat. Not telling me to go for a walk.
I need to know why I take laxatives.
I do know now. I use it as a coping mechanism. So I need to find another way to cope. A walk or loading up on carbs surely isn’t going to help.
What helps, is looking at the issue I’m stuck in.
Okay, I feel stressed. I have a lot to do. I feel like I’m falling behind. The house is a mess, I have to do laundry, make lunch, help the kids with homework, pick up dry cleaning, get some groceries, take my kids to programs, sign them up for summer camp and go to the bank to pay some bills.
There are not enough hours in the day to do all of that.
Instead of getting worked up and stressed, I take laxatives. I cope by “disappearing” for a while and not having to deal with it. But guess what? When all is said and done from my “disease” taking over – those things are still there.
So I need to find a different way to cope.
I must ask for help. I manage all of the things that I need to do by asking for help. I am not expected to do all of that alone and I don’t need to do it alone. I have more extra hands than I could ask for and need to reach out for help. It’s okay to say you can’t do it all. Because nobody can. And nobody should.
So, instead of masking the problem, find out why. And find a better way to deal with it.
I think that is why my problem came back after 10 years. I never really uncovered the why. Having kids was so important to me, so in order to get my body baby ready I just gave it up for that reason.
But my coping was the same when the going got tough.
This time around, I’m asking for help.
I’m not Superwoman. But, without this disease taking over my life, I’m Supermom to the three most important people in the world. And that is perfectly fine and all I need.