I am going to become Vegan

…..is what I have been told to do by many people who are in recovery. Tons of people who have had an eating disorder claim it saved their life.

I looked into it. I read about it. Discussed it with several people. Asked lots of questions. Researched a lor.

I decided that although it has worked for many people, it is not the right choice for me.  Maybe eventually, who knows. But not now. I don’t feel that I am in a place where I have the control or willpower to do that right now. And that’s okay. But many, many people with eating disorders swear by going vegan.  So if you are reading this and currently suffering, do some homework.  It may work for you. It’s very prominent in the ED community (ugh, yes there is a community).

Last night Rob and I were sitting on the couch watching tv. I was craving peanut butter. I got up. Got a sooon. Got some peanut butter and had some spoonfuls.

I also wanted skittles. I got up. Got a handful of skittles.

And after I felt satisfied. I wasn’t feeling bloated or gross because I had some. Enough to make me happy but not too much to put me in my bad place.

The feeling of being satisfied is probably one of my faves. I am use to being hungry all the time. Not satisfying my cravings.  Punishing myself. And it’s at these times that I put myself in Eating Disorder mode.  Now I am making better choices and listening to my body and most importantly trusting it.

I allow myself to live like I deserve to.  Even though eating shouldn’t be a privilege, to me…right now it is.  I am finally allowing my body to have what it wants

Peanut butter and skittles. Yum.

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