- What you think is true, is not always the truth.
- You can change anything.
- Having an eating disorder may feel safe, tranquil, familiar and sheltered. But the truth is, it’s a cage, not a cocoon.
- I am amazed by my body
- I am loved.
I can give you an explanation or deep thoughts about each of those points, but they are self explanatory.
I think the most important thing that ED has taught me is how loved I am. How many people care about me. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly never had any doubts. Growing up I was always told how much I was loved. I was always surrounded by supportive family and friends so I had no reason to think otherwise. But ED magnified the amount of support I have from those closest to me, friends I have re-connected with and complete strangers who have become good friends.
So, even though ED entered my life like a complete shit storm, he has taught me a few things along the way.
I often wonder, “Why me?” Why do I have this mental illness. Why? Why? Why?
I know that I do have a purpose in life. Besides living it and enjoying my family and friends, there is something that I am suppose to do with this.
Is it worth it? At the end of this (when I’m recovered) and doing whatever it is I’m suppose to be doing to use this illness for good, ,will it have been worth it? 20+ years of torture, hell and near death experiences?
Fuck, I hope so.