Am I Being Honest?

I woke up to this email, from a very, very special person/friend/relative/supporter/xo

Hey Lis,
I read your blog everyday – it’s amazing!  You’re so candid and you’re writing draws me in.  I hope you’re documenting these true and honest feelings with your struggle everyday and at the end of the year you should be ready to publish the book on your struggles, recovery and entry back to the world as you are.   Start now – the story is  writing itself.
Love you 😘
xo


So am I being honest?  Yes.

So let me be honest today.

I’m having a shit couple of days.  Trying.  Working at it.  But just so fucking tired of trying and working at it.  I just want to be there.  Don’t get me wrong – I don’t want to give up.  I want to be recovered.  I just want to be there.  I want to reach the finish line.  Working at it is really a full time job and I’m exhausted.

I haven’t been sleeping well – last night I was up at 3pm watching TV.  I know I should’ve just closed my eyes and go back to bed – but my mind races and starts to think about the next day, the day after and hope that it will be successful and that I will get through it.  Instead of just living it, I’m planning it.  This is the “working at it.”

So tired of working at it.  I want to live it and enjoy it, but I know this is a process and the way it has to happen so I will put in the legwork to get there but man, it fucking sucks and it’s fucking hard.

 

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