Being afraid

Giving up something you have known for 20+ years is terrifying. I’m not saying it makes sense, but it’s the truth.

It’s what I know. It’s the life I live everyday. It has taken on a personality of its own and is a huge part of who I am. Not who I want to be, but ED manipulated his way into my life and works very hard at trying to convince me otherwise.

It is hard to replace something that occupies your thoughts, feelings, actions and emotions. Especially when it’s something that focuses on one of the most important aspects of your day. Food. We need it. There is no getting around it. It’s imperative to live. So I can’t walk away from it. I can’t not go to the grocery store. I can’t not eat. So I must face these stupid demons every single day. Every single minute. Every single second.

And try. Try to enjoy the life I am working at getting back. Try at loving to eat the things I have given up.  Try to live.

And most importantly – to not be afraid.

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