Selfish. Selfish. Selfish.

This weekend I went for a manicure and pedicure.  Bumped into an old friend (old as in, I’ve known her for a long time – not old as in she is decrepit).  It was nice to catch up and shoot the shit for a while.

She reads my blog.  We talked about things that have happened and where my progress stands.  She said something that really made sense and put it in a different perspective than anyone else ever has.

I told her that the disease is about me.  I am working my ass off to get better for me.  It has to be about Lisa.  Nobody else.  Everyone else will reap the benefits of my recovery.

But she said something so, so interesting.

“It use to be about you.  But it’s not anymore.  It’s about your family.  Your kids.  So it isn’t just about you.  You need to do it for them too.”

And she’s 1000000% right.  Of course, it’s all about me getting well for me.  But a  huge part of it is me getting well for them.  My mom, dad, brothers, sister in laws, husband, kids, friends – everyone.  It is about them too.

So SB – thanks for your wise words.  You put something into perspective that gives me that extra push.  Something that always helps me during recovery.

Where am I in recovery?  I’m here.  Smack dab in the middle of it.  Working, trying and fighting.  A couple nights ago, I sat on the sofa with a fork and a tub of peanut butter like I use to.  Watched TV, had my fix of PB and it felt great.  Like I use to do.  Didn’t think about it beyond the enjoyment.  Put the jar back and continued watching TV.  Nobody would ever know how big of an achievement that is, but it is.  HUGE.  And I loved it.  When I’m not stressing about what I ate, what I’m eating, when am I going to eat – my head is relaxed and calm.  And I live for those moments.



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