Yes, I did. But..recovery is not a straight line. I have achieved more successful days and have to praise myself for those achievements. I can’t beat myself up or throw in the towel (which would always be the easiest thing to do), I have to look forward, remind myself of the goal I am trying to achieve and work towards it with every ounce of energy I have.
With the help and support of my friends and family, I decided not to move forward with that trainer I wrote about earlier. I was excited at the potential but didn’t look beyond what I needed right now and what would be the right fit for me.
I have continued to speak to several people that I can work with to hold me accountable. I feel like I am at the last leg of my journey because my headspace is clear and knows what I need to do and what I want to do – but I need to be accountable and work with someone (besides just doctors, therapists etc.) that will guide me down the right path with food and not being afraid of it. That’s my arch nemeses.
I hate to be cocky, but I have been in therapy for so long and have spoken my ass off about my thoughts, feelings and emotions. I know why I do what I do, I know what I have to do – it’s just time that I get doing it! I’ve been working on it and making progress, but I need that last hump of the journey to begin. I need to understand food, nutrition and that I can feed myself without fearing it. Because that is where I am in recovery. Gaining weight is crucial now and I recognize that and want to make the adjustments to my menu. I have begun introducing new foods into my daily schedule and I LOVE IT. I notice what a huge difference it makes in terms of my health, energy and overall mentality. I just need to know what I have to feed myself to continue down the right path.
It’s an uphill battle – but I will never look backwards. I will continue to move forward and fight until I have won.