Imagine your mom saying this to you, at 42 years old:

  • I wish I could see more weight on you
  • I know you are trying, please try harder
  • I’m worried your heart is just going stop one day


Those are not guilt tactics.  Those are the words of a loving mother who has watched her daughter suffer for over 20 years.  When you run out of things to say with love you revert to desperation.  It broke my heart that I’m breaking hers.

But I told her I am trying, trying my best.  And I am.  I am better.  I’m getting better – but it’s hard to see the inside when it doesn’t match what’s on the outside.  My mind is clearer, I’m making better decisions.  If I could take the improvements I’ve made internally and put them into pounds I would.  But as I’ve always said, recovery starts from the top down.

Mom, I promise you, I am trying hard.  And I’ll try even harder every single days.  Please don’t worry about my heart giving out.  I promise, promise that I’m better than I’ve been in a very long time. And my heart strong.


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