What is it like to weigh 88lbs?

I shouldn’t know this.  Certainly not when I’m in my 40’s.

I don’t weigh that now.  That was in April of 2105 – my lowest when I was trying to get into the TGH inpatient program but was told I was too underweight.

Weight standards aren’t an exact science, but to give you an idea – the average age of a female who weighs 88lbs is 14 years old.  14.  I was 14 in 1988.  That’s when I should’ve weighed 88lbs.  Not in the year 2015 as a mother to three kids.

When you are so underweight, people look, stare and point.  You don’t look right.  You certainly don’t look thin.  You look sick.  I wasn’t proud of myself.  I was embarrassed.

I remember walking my eldest son to a birthday party one day last year.  We met up with my nephew who was 8 at the time.

“Auntie Lex (my nickname), why are your arms so skinny?  They are so small.”

I told him that I was going to the gym and exercising.  What bullshit.  He accepted it, but it certainly didn’t make sense.  When a child thinks you are too skinny, you are definitely too skinny.

Everything fits you.  Kids clothing.  That’s what you end up wearing.  My closet is full of all different sizes.  I have recently gotten rid of those Gap Kids pants.  I should not be shopping at the same store as my children.

You feel tired, empty, are dehydrated, lethargic and overall you feel like shit.

There is nothing good about being that underweight.  Nothing.

A healthy BMI is 20.  In April of 2015 my BMI was 14.6

So in a nutshell…weighing 88lbs is a death sentence.  It is your body fighting to survive.  If you allow yourself to fight you can win.

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