The Big Picture Isn’t That Big

What do you want to change in your life? 

Have you been procrastinating about something, but haven’t been able to move forward.

What is it?

To quit smoking? Join a gym? Take an art course? Try to stop and smell the roses once in a while?

It can be a minor change or a major one. Either way, if it is something you want to do.

Do it. 

A huge problem that people face is that they look at the big picture.  Instead of the small pieces.

Take me for example.

I want to be recovered. I don’t want to have an eating disorder anymore. I want this to be over and done with. I have a goal and I want to reach it. But, as with everything in life, things take time.  I have to have patience.  But I don’t.  As my dad always says – I have shpilkas.  No need to google it –

Antsy, excited, nervous

 

Anything worth having is worth waiting for.

I look at the end result of my eating disorder. Recovery. I don’t look at the steps I have to take to get there.

Instead of looking at the big picture I need to focus on the day, the hour and the minute.

Just get through the morning. Get through enjoying lunch. Get through the afternoon. Eat dinner with your family. And yes, you will get through the night. You can and you will.

At the end of the day I have to look at what I accomplished. Certain parts will be more difficult. And sometimes I may fail. But instead of looking at the big picture and saying I failed today, I have to focus on the parts of the day I had victories.  Because the truth is, I have more of those. But ED continues to try and manipulate me so I must constantly remind myself of the good things that happened during the day.  It may be as “small” as, I ate a salmon burger – with the bun (yahoo) and enjoyed it.  Didn’t dwell on it.  Small in the grand scheme of recovery, but HUGE for the day.

I came home from work yesterday. My 5 year old son asked me how my day was. I told him it was great. He showed me his tie dyed shirt he made and asked if I liked it. I said I didn’t like it. I loved it. (My bubie use to always say that.  I don’t like you, just I love you). I asked him if making that shirt was his favourite part of his day.

“No mom. Having you come home from work is my favourite part.”  Heart melted.

We all spent the rest of the night together. Playing. Having snacks. Watching tv.

I wasn’t in the washroom.

I looked at my day and was proud that I did what I love more than anything else in the world.

One day closer to the big picture.

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