It’s sad, but true.
I want to believe that it will go away. I wish that one day, (as I said to Rob last night), that I will able to sit down at a restaurant and order a burger with fries and not even flinch. I know that won’t happen. I wish it would but unfortunately I’ve been dealt this disorder and will have to deal with it for the rest of my life. That’s the sad truth.
But….that doesn’t mean I won’t get better. I will get better. That is also the truth.
I’ve come to accept that my Eating Disorder won’t go away, but I won’t allow it to control my life.
The Eating Disorder voices won’t stop speaking, but I will choose to ignore them.
All of the professionals say that an Eating Disorder is about control, but I think we can all agree that the sufferer has no control. We think we do, but we don’t. If I did, I would’ve been recovered a long time ago.
What I can control is my recovery. What I can control is my will to live. What I can control is getting my life back. I know how to be well. I know how to be in control.
Everyone also stresses how hard recovery is. How much work it is. And that is why a lot of people just give up. It’s “easier” to continue than to keep fighting. It’s difficult to struggle every day, every hour, every minute, every second. So doing what you know seems to be the easy way out.
But it’s not the smart one.
So, although I have to accept that ED will be a part of my life in some capacity – I choose to work as hard as I can to make sure he doesn’t call the shots.
I’ll never forget when my parents came to one of my therapy sessions. My dad said something that terrified me.
“I know Lisa will get better. I know she will beat this thing. When she sets her mind to something, she always succeeds. But, I’m afraid. It came back a second time. How do we know it won’t come back again?”