How do you change the unchangable

We all have parts of our body that we don’t like.
Arms, legs, stomach, face, hair, hips – you name it, the list is (sadly) endless.

There are diets, exercises and other ways to “improve” your body, but what happens when you can’t change what you don’t like?

I have broad shoulders. People always say “No, you don’t you have great shoulders.” But it’s the truth and I’m okay with it. They are not proportionate to the rest of my body, but I don’t mind. I like it and even if I didn’t – that’s an example of something I cannot change.

Now, before you jump on me and tell me I’m crazy, I realize I have had three kids so things change and shift. I have a stomach. It’s not flat. I have often told Rob that it doesn’t “match” the rest of my body. Even during ED it’s the one area that does not change. Okay, for the days following a laxative binge it was as flat as a board, but after a few days it became a little pooch. I hated it, I complained about it and I obsessed about it.

But I had to learn to accept that it won’t change. And the most important thing I had to think about, is why I have that extra skin. They are 10 years old, 8 years old and almost 6 years old. Because of them I have a pooch. How lucky am I? Remember back to 2004 and 2005 when I had two miscarriages? I thought I would never have kids and that was the single most important thing to me. Now, I have three perfect kids and a pooch. So instead of hating it – I embrace it. It would be selfish of me not to.

There is so much shit going on in the world right now. Awful acts of hatred, terrorism and selfishness. How can I possibly worry about “feeling fat” or eating something that ED has convinced me that I shouldn’t? It is so insignificant and unimportant. Those things don’t define me or make any positive impact on myself or the world.

So ED did change me. Emotionally and physically. I can get both back. I can get my mind thinking logically and I can get my weight back to a healthy set point. As much as he changed my weight, it’s not the weight I’m suppose to be. It’s not the way I am suppose to live. So maybe I don’t change the unchangeable. Because truthfully, I think I was okay just the way I was before he and I became friends.

To answer the question – don’t change the unchangable.


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