Rob and I don’t talk much about ED. He is the elephant in the room. ED. Not Rob 🙂
We have been together since 1998. So, Rob knows ED well. Very well.
He is the one I have lied to the most. My habits, my routines, my schedules, my bathroom visits, my stomach aches and my sneaking around. We live together so when someone knows about your illness its much harder to hide it. At the beginning it was somewhat exciting, in a weird way. To lie and get away with it was quite an accomplishment.
But as time went on, I soon realized I was not fooling him at all. He knew exactly what I was doing.
After we got married, our new house wasn’t ready so we lived with my parents for a year. One night, while going through the after effects of taking too many laxatives I noticed he wasn’t in bed. It was 3am. I found him downstairs reading the paper at the kitchen table.
“Why are you up so late?”
“You are up and down all night. I can’t sleep so I might as well just stay up.”
Here I was thinking that I could sneak around in the middle of the night when nobody would be the wiser.
I was wrong.
And I’ve been wrong ever since.
He knows. He knows about the elephant. It’s just a hard thing to talk about.
But the only person I fool is myself.
Yet again, ED has done another bad thing to my life. Turn me into a liar and have my husband not believe much of what I say. Even when it’s true.