Yes, I do.
I’m like most people. You want a piece of cake, but instead of just taking a piece of cake, you have to talk to yourself about it. Think about what you have eaten that day. Think about the weekend. Did you work out? What will you eat tomorrow if you eat this piece of cake?
Do you “deserve” it.
It is quite awful what we go through. Instead of just enjoying it, we have an internal battle with ourselves.
Why not just have our cake and eat it too!?
With an eating disorder, it’s pretty similar. BUT, it’s not just about cake. It’s about everything. Pasta, a bagel, cheese, nuts, butter – you name it. The common piece of cake dilemma is the struggle someone with an eating disorder goes through with everything they eat. Nothing is enjoyed. Everything is thought out and criticized.
Can you imagine thinking about having a piece of toast and asking yourself – do I “deserve” it? Really? How sad?! Of course I deserve it. In fact – I need it! That’s the mentality that I have adopted. I need it, my body needs it and it’s fuel. And for fucks sake – just enjoy eating.
The exhaustion and mental effort put into every meal, snack and morsel of food is emotionally draining. Go on the elliptical for 24 hours a day. Imagine how tired you would be. That’s what the mind of someone suffering with an eating disorder feels like. Every. Single. Day.