The hardest part of an eating disorder for me is how I feel. Living in my skin has blinded me from how I look.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think I’m fat. I know I don’t need to loose an ounce. But it is hard for me to see exactly what others see. Part of that is the Eating Disorder and part of that is reality. It is true for most people. You become accustomed to your body and don’t necessarily see things either good or bad. Or on the flip side, all you see are the negatives and don’t focus on the positives. The issue for me, is that I need to alter my body so it’s harder to accept what needs to be changed.
So, how do you make huge changes when you can’t see the full picture? When you know something isn’t right, but can’t recognize how much of a change needs to be made?
One constant theme I have read about during recovery is that people fear the weight gain won’t stop. As you go through weight restoration you think it won’t end. You will become overweight. How does your body know when it has reached it’s set point?
I should definitely understand this better than anyone. I should trust my body. It hasn’t failed me, it continues to fight and has not given up. So, I should trust that it will find that point. It did 10 years ago and it can find it again.
Trust. That’s a big thing. I need to trust myself.