Rob got so use to my lies.
At first he believed me. I was able to manipulate any situation and turn the attention away from ED. Secrecy is a huge part of this illness. It’s embarrassing. Plain and simple. I am embarrassed. And now that people really know, I’m even more embarrassed. I abuse laxatives. I spend hours upon hours on the toilet. How embarrassing. Good. I should be.
Don’t get me wrong. I am in no way taking blame for this. This part of me, all of it is because of ED. NOT because of Lisa. I am not the weak, confused, vulnerable, frail girl that you see. I am tough as nails (like my grandmother) and have tremendous confidence.
But an Eating Disorser takes all of your good qualities and fucks with them. This disease takes control of the way you think, the way you act, the way you feel and the way you look. It manipulates you until you can’t live without it.
But the real truth is, I can’t live with it. It will kill me.
So that is why I have opened this publicly. I am sick of lying. People only believe that you are lactose intolerant for so long. Or have a sensitivity to fish. At some point, your weight loss, changes in being bring light to a much bigger problem.
I will fight this thing. I will fight. It cannot win. Because by it winning and me loosing that means my family will have to plan my funeral.