Will I ever be normal again? When won’t it be a thought process?

Last week while out for lunch with a few families, one of the other moms ordered a burger and fries. She ate it. She didn’t talk about it. Didn’t make excuses for how she was going to ‘burn it off’. She enjoyed her food and moved on with her day.

Isn’t that what we are all suppose to do?  Instead of dwelling and making such a production out of food, body image and beating ourselves up for eating what we want and enjoy it seems much easier to take the approach of burger mom.

I say I’ve always been a picky eater. I like salads and people know me best for my love of melba toast. Truth is, I don’t even know what I like. I DO NOT LIKE CHOCOLATE. Yes, people think I’m a lunatic but my weakness is jube jubes, candy and anything with high doses of sugar.  It’s been a while since I’ve sat infront of the tv and munched on jube jubes. I will. Soon.  The reason for me not liking chocolate is simple. And I don’t think anyone knows. Years ago….many, many years ago I tried chocolate laxatives for the actual reason it was intended for. This was during my ‘recovered’ stage so I was not abusing them but being responsible.

The consistency of it and the reminder of what they did to me all of those years made me sick to my stomach.  As of that day, I swore off chocolate.

I watch my husband, who must have the fastest metabolism in the world. He can eat and eat and eat. Because he comes home late after work this usually takes place while I’m on the sofa watching tv. I always make sure he has something to eat for dinner. But there is a part of me that resents him and am so very jealous of his lack of thought process while eating. It shouldn’t be a process and there shouldn’t be thought put into it.

I’m hungry. Would really love a small order of fries from McDonalds. So go. Get them. Eat them.

Why not?  When will I be able to do this without it being a thought process?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s