Awkward Moments

I went into a restaurant where I worked during my university years back in the 90’s.  I visit there a couple times during the year to say hi to some friends that still work there.

“Don’t you eat?  Why are you so skinny?”

How do you answer that?  How do you respond to people that don’t know what you are going through.

I deal with alot of how’s.

How do you comfort people that are so akward talking about food around you?

How do you deal with friends that will make plans with you and make sure it doesn’t include a meal?

I am okay when you tell me your pants are tight. I am okay when you suggest us meeting for lunch. I am okay hearing about what you ate for dinner last night.

My eating disorder is not a surface disease. It’s not about appearances or loosing weight.  It may have been at the beginning. But after so many years it became part of me. Part of my identity and part of my life.  I am working to change that and make a new life.

So don’t feel uncomfortable. I don’t ever want you to feel that you need to tip toe around me.  Talking is the best medicine. One day I plan to be a public speaker about my eating disorder.

If I can prevent one person from developing a full blown eating disorder, I would feel some relief.

Nobody should ever have to pull over on the 407 because of incredible nausea and sit on the shoulder of the hiway throwing up – nobody.  An eating disorder takes away control and most importantly your dignity. It humiliates you. Not to the outside world. They feel sympathy and concern. You are humiliated with yourself. Looking at myself on the hiway, having to call work and let them know I would be  late because of ‘car troubles’ was humiliating.

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