New Readers. Welcome.

Welcome to my page. I have many new readers joining me in my journey to recovery.

Please email me any questions you need clarified to ‘catch up’.

I write daily. Sometimes twice a day. I am honest but still have many stories I’m not ready to share. My mom reads this. And I need to be sure she’s ready to hear some of the awful experiences and behaviours I engaged in.

But I will share.

Most of the memories I have over the last 20 years, related to my eating disorder are awful and moments in time I wish I could take back.

Like the time when I worked at CityTv and had taken too many laxatives I became so ill that I couldn’t gather the strength to walk to the washroom.  I was nauseous and dizzy and had to lie down.  Immediately. I took my jacket off the chair and used it as a pillow while I curled up into the fetal position in front of my coworkers beside my desk. I told them I must be lactose intolerant because I just finished a carton of chocolate milk.  I thought I had fooled them.  I later found out that they didn’t believe my bullshit.

Or another time when I worked as a recruiter at Quantum.  I met a very qualified candidate and wanted to introduce her to my boss.  Again, the laxatives began working much earlier than anticipated so I had to excuse myself from the meeting because I needed the washroom.  The next thing I knew, I was lying on my back in the reception area of the office.  I had fainted.  Infront of a dozen people.  I don’t even remember what my lame excuse was.

You would think that a rational person would look at what was happening and put an end to this destructive behaviour.  But the eating disorder would not let me do that.  It erases the bad moments and reminds you of how you feel after.

It is like cancer of the mind.

 

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