Wow. Just Wow.

What a response.

I knew I had support, but not like this.

I now feel accountable. Everyone is rooting for me. I have something to prove. To everyone. But most importantly to myself.  Eating Disorders are about perfection. I certainly perfected that. It is now time to perfect recovery.

I am scared. Beyond scared. Giving up such an enormous part of my life means filling it with something else.

It isn’t 10 minutes of my day. It’s all day. It has been a struggle not to plan, lie, deceive, behave, act, engage and devote my time to ED. When this is the life you have known for 20 years it is a lot of work to give it up. I even said to a friend tonight that it’s a lot easier to be sick than it is to recover. Not better. Just easier.

She said:

At some point it will become easier to be in recovery and you will have a hard time imagining all of the effort you put into being sick. I promise.

Wise words. I look forward to giving that advice to someone else.

I just got off the phone with my mom. Tomorrow is the date. The deadline I gave myself months ago. My birthday. The beginning of the end.

My mon said, Say goodbye to your old life. And hello to your new one.

I can do this.


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