I went to see S today. She’s proud of my progress. She said I seem more relaxed.
We were discussing a common concern from someone recovering and in fact people in general. The feeling of fullness. It’s hard for people to have to deal with unbuckling their belt after a meal when you feel like you are going to burst. So imagine someone who is so preoccupied with food having to deal with that. It is extremely hard to be okay with that and know it’s part of the recovery process. I mentioned this to S and she gets it. Her response was actually hysterical.
She said, your stomach is down here. So when you eat, I hate to tell you but the food isn’t going to go up to your shoulder. Your stomach will be full. Of food.
She’s right, and I get that. Weight will get distributed evenly over time, but right after I eat, having a full, bloated stomach is a good thing. It means I ate. It means I kept it in. It means I enjoyed what I ate. I must continue to remind myself of that. Sometimes you need to think logically. Food in mouth. Food down throat. Throat connected to your stomach. Duh.
My homework before Sunday is a May calendar. She said I have to be a bit more aggressive. Certain things can’t be goals – they should be a given. So I have homework to do over the next couple of days. Hmmmmmmmm what are my goals?