The Best Friend I Have, But Never Wanted – 60 Days Left

I started a blog post and was lost for words.  I usually don’t have that problem.  Cat got your tongue is never an issue for me.  I think I have too much to say.

Lauren from the Toronto Star is coming to meet me on Monday to do the interview.  I think my mind is just racing with memories, stories and all of the shit that ED has put me through for 20 years that I don’t know what to blog about today.

Our family is going away for a week next month.  Yikes. and Yeah.

I love it, because I get to spend time away with the family and enjoy some R and R.  I hate it because I am out of my comfort zone .  But Lisa, this is real life.  This is how life works.  And you either accept it and go with the flow or continue to let ED rule you life and take away all of these precious moments.

Last year, when we were in Florida, I was looking forward to a break from ED.  I was deeply involved in our relationship and figured that absence would be good for me.  But, because I wasn’t doing any self-reflection or therapy at that point, I was not ready to give him up.  Can you believe that the night before we left Sunny Isles to drive to Orlando, I took laxatives.  It had to be meticulously planned because being in the car for 4 hours would really limit me.  But I did. It is a science.  It is a skill that I have perfected.

How gross.  A family trip.

I am in a different head space this year.  I am going to enjoy my vacation and leave ED at home.

The deal I had with S, was that by my birthday ED would no longer exist.  Yes, he will always be a part of me, unfortunately – lurking around, but I am learning ways to manage him.  The goal is to be symptom free by May 10th.  If not, I check myself into a program on May 11th.  A program in the states.  For a minimum of three months.

That’s 60 days from today.

DID YOU HEAR THAT ED??!!!  YOU ONLY HAVE 60 DAYS LEFT TO BRING ME AGONY, TORTURE, PAIN, SUFFERING, DISTRESS, MISERY, ANGUISH AND OVERALL SADNESS.

Sound like a real friend huh?

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