I lie a lot.
It’s a sneaky and deceiving illness.
I don’t want people to know too much. For many reasons. But most of all, I’m embarrassed.
When I met with S, she told me that lying only enables the behaviour and allows the disease to take control. I have to stop lying.
“How are you doing?” – Someone will ask.
“I’m doing good.” I reply.
(Not always, but sometimes) That’s a lie.
What I really want to say is, “I’m having a tough day. This fucking sucks. I hate it.” But I don’t because I want to protect everyone from when I am feeling like shit. Why should I have to be Debbie downer.
S said that it’s a terrible approach to have. People are there to support and love me and I need to be honest. I can simply say “I’m having a tough day, but getting through it.” That is the truth and it’s okay for people to know when I am struggling. After all, I am human.
So the next time you ask me how I am, I will be honest. I promise. Pinky swear.