Liar, Liar, pants on fire.

I lie.

I lie a lot.

It’s a sneaky and deceiving  illness.

I don’t want people to know too much.  For many reasons. But most of all, I’m embarrassed.

When I met with S, she told me that lying only enables the behaviour and allows the disease to take control.  I have to stop lying.

An example.

“How are you doing?” – Someone will ask.

“I’m doing good.” I reply.

(Not always, but sometimes) That’s a lie.

What I really want to say is, “I’m having a tough day.  This fucking sucks.  I hate it.”  But I don’t because I want to protect everyone from when I am feeling like shit.  Why should I have to be Debbie downer.

S said that it’s a terrible approach to have.  People are there to support and love me and I need to be honest.  I can simply say “I’m having a tough day, but getting through it.”  That is the truth and it’s okay for people to know when I am struggling.  After all, I am human.

So the next time you ask me how I am, I will be honest.  I promise.  Pinky swear.

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