Sometimes after work, I would find myself trying to look for errands to run. Go to the grocery store, pick something up at the mall, stop by the dry cleaners….
But, what I soon realized was that I was trying too hard not to go home. Why? What was the matter with me? Why was I so scared to go home but instead forcing myself to delay home time. Than I realized why. Because home was not my safe place. When it came to ED, home was my trigger. It was not my safe place, yet it was my safe place. It was where all of my negative behaviours and actions took place. So being there would tempt me into doing something I know I shouldn’t.
As much as it upset me that I was trying to avoid going home, at the same time I was happy that I realized why. I wasn’t excited to get home and engage in negative actions. I was trying to cope with them by turning my attention to something else until it passed.
I have read that when you are about to do something that you know you shouldn’t, you are suppose to slowly count to 100. It gives you time to process and think about what you are about to do and make a better decision. It actually helps.
Now, after work – I don’t find reasons not to go home. I have three incredible reasons to go home and I remind myself of that. Instead of looking at what negative actions can happen at home, I focus on the amazing things and memories that happen at home.