Tabula Rasa

Happy 2016!!

New Years day always gives me hope. New beginnings and a fresh start. Funny how so many people use this day to start over, make resolutions and take charge of things they have let slide. But, it’s nice to have a day where you commit yourself to something and give it your all.

I don’t want my eating disorder to be a part of 2016. It was a part of my life from 1994-2004. And 2014-2015. Way too much time. This April it will be 2 years since he returned. And that is an anniversary I don’t want to celebrate. I want this year to be about health and happiness. So that means ED not showing up. Not even a little.

I have made New Years resolutions since I was 16. Many are trivial, funny, silly and just for shits and giggles. But this one, the one where I remove this awful, horrible disease from my life is what will basically save my life.  I want to feel good, strong, healthy and present. I want to live.  I know that by allowing ED to be a part of my life, he will eventually kill me.  And I will not allow that to happen  I have everything anyone could ask for.  Family and friends that people only dream about.

Last night, my family was talking about resolutions. My eldest son said mine should be to stop using the washroom so much. I didn’t know what to say. He said, actually you don’t use it as much anymore. That part was uplifting. The fact that he has recognized my patterns is awful.

Here’s to 2016. Fresh start. New beginnings. And a year without ED.

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