I haven’t lost weight. Liar.

I was at a party tonight for my father in laws bday. It was so nice to have his family and friends together to celebrate this milestone. It’s also nice to catch up with those I haven’t seen in a while. But, in the back of my mind I was waiting.

“Did you loose weight?”

The question came from one of his good friends about halfway through the night.

How do I answer that?

As a matter of fact yes, I have lost 25lbs in one year because I am battling an eating disorder. I am working hard at getting my life back in order, make my body and mind health and give up this 20 year old disorder.

“No, I don’t think so.”   But the nod of her head and look in her eyes tells me that she is not buying it.

Fighting an eating disorder is hard. It’s the hardest of all mental disorders (which by the way, I hate that classification).  People want to see weight gain. That to the outside world equals success.  An alcoholic  can hide it easier.  But maybe it’s better that I can’t hide behind it.  I have owned up to it and I certainly don’t make it public but I don’t lie about it.  I’m done lying.  This disorder is all about lies.  And when I lie I’m only fooling myself.

Had an appointment to talk to a doc at TGH Tuesday.  They cancelled.

Our. System. Sucks.

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