Parentals

Today my parents came with to see Mina.

Most of you know how close I am with them. They are my besties and I want them to be a part of my recovery.

It was good. It was tough.

My dad saying that he’s afraid I will recover a second time and relapse a third time. My mom crying when I said I had a set back. (Mina said I shouldn’t call it that. It’s not a set back. It’s a struggle). I hate to see them in pain. Yet, they are in pain, because I am in pain.

Mina said that I have no emotion when I talk about ED. It’s very matter of fact. She’s right. I talk about it like a person talks about breathing. Why? Because it’s what I know. It’s what I’m use to. It’s such a part of my life that there is no “shock value” to it.

What do I need to do to understand this is not a part of my life? This is destroying my life. Get a new life. I have so much to live for. And ED Is taking away so much of it.

My new beginning has started. I left my job. I’ve started therapy. Have a nutritionist. Everything I need I have.

FUCK OFF ALREADY. ITS ENOUGH. ED, YOU SUCK. I LOATHE YOU. STOP MAKING ME THINK I LIKE YOU. STOP MAKING ME THINK I NEED YOU. I DONT. YOU MAY NEED ME BECAUSE I AM SO LOYAL TO YOU, BUT IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO GO AWAY. LEAVE ME ALONE.  I HAVE FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND A LIFE THAT IS WORTH LIVING. AND YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL MY SPIRIT.

I want to have the perfect recovery. After all….I am a perfectionist. I am going to perfect that. Watch me ED. You are going down.

Piece by piece my new life is being built.

 

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