I contacted the Thornhill Liberal about my life.
I sent this short piece:
May 11, 2015: Today marks the day that I am suppose to make the biggest change and embark on the toughest journey of my life.
I am suppose to give up my very best friend in the whole world. A friend who I have known for 20 years. Who has followed me everywhere, has always been there for me, who has told me what to feel, what to do, what to think, how to act and most importantly has helped me determine my self worth. How do you give that up? It’s what I know. It’s what I’m use to. It’s what I’m comfortable with. How do you just walk away from that?
As I drove to the subway today on my way to a facility where I would begin intense treatment at a day program for eating disorders, I thought of turning around and going home. It would be easier to continue than to give up my best friend. I hate giving up. I’m not a quitter. So why should I quit what I’m so good at? Eating disorders are about control. They are about perfection. They are about being the best you can possibly be. And I have succeeded at having the best most successful eating disorder. So if I give it up I’m a failure. And who am I without my best friend? I only know my life this way. It seems that this is suppose to be my life and I cannot imagine living without it. That’s scary. That’s the unknown. That’s unpredictable.
Nothing about this seems appealing. Why change?
Because I have a family. Because I have friends. Everyone loves me. Everyone is rooting for me. Everyone has faith in me. And people have told me that I have to fight this battle and loose the eating disorder that has taken over my life. I don’t believe it yet, but I have to try. If I don’t the alternative will be my death. And that, cannot be an option.
I’ve arrived. My stop.
Here I go.
The editor contacted me and was interested in doing a story about my Eating Disorder. I was thrilled. I am happy to share my story. I want to have an impact on one person’s life and make a difference. This disease CANNOT get away with ruining my life and serving no purpose.
But, the more I got thinking and the more I spoke to my family, it was decided that, for now, it’s probably best to keep myself anonymous. There are people that don’t know about this and I don’t want to bring everyone into my person hell. Not yet.
I’m excited at the thought of my story being put out there. I also gave the writer the link to my blog. Sharing is the best medicine for me. It helps me to let the people in my life know what is going on.. I understand it’s hard to always ask me how I am doing, what progress I have made, so this is an outlet that helps me and those around me.
As I’ve said before, it doesn’t always appear that I am doing intense treatment or therapy but everyday I overcome a baby step. Today is the day that I have decided to open myself up and my story. On a larger scale.