Last night I went to a work function. I was conflicted about going, but happy in the end that I did. It was great to see everyone. Like catching up with family.
Last night my dad said he would consider me “recovered” when I have gone a year without taking laxatives. And he is right. That is when they consider you recovered. It is so easy to slip back into old habits. I am afraid every day that I will. I have thought to myself several times: okay just one more time. But, I always remind myself that it will just be the beginning.
The cycle will never end. So I have 11 more months until I can consider myself recovered. I am excited about the potential, and scared shitless at the same time. Because as much as an eating disorder can destroy you, when it has been your life for 20 years, it is, oddly the easier thing to do. And I fear that one day, something will push me to old habits. So, I try my best to fight back.