No more chances Lisa, this is it!

In my last journal I calculated the following:

10 years, $12,480, 20,000 hours, 41,600 days.

That is how much time and money I spent suffering from this gd awful disease.

What I have never calculated is roughly how many laxatives I have taken.

It is hard to know because it was different depending on the week, how much time would pass inbetween episodes and other factors.

I took out a calculator and tried to take a wild guess.

I almost threw up.

I cried.

I stared at a number that represented the poison I  put in my body.

25,000.

Twenty five THOUSAND laxatives.

I am speechless.

How am I alive?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2538731/Taking-just-one-laxatives-kill-Health-watchdog-warns-counter-drugs-cause-dehydration-kidney-failure.html

Reading this article, basically tells me I should be dead.  I have beaten the odds and am alive.  Somehow my body keeps giving me another chance.  But through laxative abuse and vomiting it will give up.  It can only take so much.

I am lucky to be alive and I have a reason to be alive.   I have everything in my life I need to make me happy.  Family and friends.  I am outgoing, personable, loyal, dedicated, funny, creative, sincere, genuine and the most important thing is that I’m imperfect.  And I’m okay with that.

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