I was looking at some YouTube videos about eating disorders. Girls who are ‘pro ana’. That means they encourage eating disorders (Ana= anorexia).
Are you fucking kidding me?
Who in their right mind would ever promote this disease? Because that’s what it is. A disease. Someone once said to me, you chose this path and need to change paths. I explained that I didn’t choose ED, it chose me. I would never choose this illness. Ever.
Lately, I’ve been very blah. My head is filled with a constant struggle. Trying to make my voice the bigger more powerful one and making ED’s become non-existent. I know it sounds nuts, and sometimes I look at myself and wonder how such a smart person cannot just shut this off. But I have to remind myself that it is an illness. If I could just make this go away I would have 20 years ago. This is work. Hard work. I knew it wouldn’t be easy when I finally made the decision to seek treatment, but I was naive to think it would be easier than this. I am essentially fighting for my life. Reminding myself of the reasons what I have to live for. Luckily, today is a PA day and I get to spend the entire day with my three most important reasons.