Pro Ana

I was looking at some YouTube videos about eating disorders. Girls who are ‘pro ana’. That means they encourage eating disorders (Ana= anorexia).

Are you fucking kidding me?

Who in their right mind would ever promote this disease?  Because that’s what it is. A disease.  Someone once said to me, you chose this path and need to change paths. I explained that I didn’t choose ED, it chose me. I would never choose this illness.  Ever.

Lately, I’ve been very blah.  My head is filled with a constant struggle. Trying to make my voice the bigger more powerful one and making ED’s become non-existent.  I know it sounds nuts, and sometimes I look at myself and wonder how such a smart person cannot just shut this off.  But I have to remind myself that it is an illness.  If I could just make this go away I would have 20 years ago.  This is work. Hard work.  I knew it wouldn’t be easy when I finally made the decision to seek treatment, but I was naive to think it would be easier than this.  I am essentially fighting for my life.  Reminding myself of the reasons what I have to live for.  Luckily, today is a PA day and I get to spend the entire day with my three most important reasons.

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