I am told to reward myself when I don’t engage in eating disorder behaviour.
So, today I picked up my kids from school and took them for ice cream and to the park.
When they hugged me and said I’m the best mom it was without a doubt the best reward I could’ve ever asked for.
Makes the rewards of taking laxatives nill in comparison.
What feels weird is my free time. The time I spent and wasted on taking laxatives. Planning, taking, being sick, recovering. Lying. It’s a void. A void I have to fill.
I realized tonight I was filling it. With quality time at the park. Getting ice cream. This is how people live. This is how I should be living.