Revelation

It’s amazing how many different doctors, therapists, social workers and other professionals I have seen over the past few months to try and figure out the “why”.  Why do I do what I do?

Alas, my new therapist who I have seen less than a handful of times has figured it out.

I am a perfectionist.  I am a people pleaser.  I over extend myself.  I want everyone to love me.  She’s right.  I am those things.  But why are those bad characteristics?

Mina (my therapist),  explained that when I stopped abusing laxatives 10 years ago to have kids I had a purpose and a goal.  I began my life as a mom and started a new job years later.  I was finding my place back in the world again.  Fast forward to April 2014.  I was tired.  I was juggling everything.  Being a mom, full time working parent and life in general.  I needed a break from being perfect, from being a people pleaser, from over extending myself and from having everyone love me.  When I am sick, people don’t expect anything from me.  So, by becoming “sick” I am basically throwing in the towel and saying I need a break!

When she said it, I knew that was it.  That was the reason.  It made perfect sense.  But, what an awful way to take a break from things.  She said, you don’t have to take a break, you have to learn how to function at 80% and not 180%.  That way you won’t feel overwhelmed.  Nobody can function that way.

Walking out of her office felt incredible.  I needed to have a reason.  Now that I have a reason I can move forward and learn how to deal with it.

Everybody needs a break, but I have to learn how to take a break.

Like Ross and Rachel.

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