It’s amazing how many different doctors, therapists, social workers and other professionals I have seen over the past few months to try and figure out the “why”. Why do I do what I do?
Alas, my new therapist who I have seen less than a handful of times has figured it out.
I am a perfectionist. I am a people pleaser. I over extend myself. I want everyone to love me. She’s right. I am those things. But why are those bad characteristics?
Mina (my therapist), explained that when I stopped abusing laxatives 10 years ago to have kids I had a purpose and a goal. I began my life as a mom and started a new job years later. I was finding my place back in the world again. Fast forward to April 2014. I was tired. I was juggling everything. Being a mom, full time working parent and life in general. I needed a break from being perfect, from being a people pleaser, from over extending myself and from having everyone love me. When I am sick, people don’t expect anything from me. So, by becoming “sick” I am basically throwing in the towel and saying I need a break!
When she said it, I knew that was it. That was the reason. It made perfect sense. But, what an awful way to take a break from things. She said, you don’t have to take a break, you have to learn how to function at 80% and not 180%. That way you won’t feel overwhelmed. Nobody can function that way.
Walking out of her office felt incredible. I needed to have a reason. Now that I have a reason I can move forward and learn how to deal with it.
Everybody needs a break, but I have to learn how to take a break.
Like Ross and Rachel.