I write this blog as I sit by the pool with my patentals in Sunny Isles. A vacation. A chance to spend time with two of my most favourite people. A chance to rest. A chance to rejuvenate. A chance to have some me time. We all need this. We all need to set aside time to do this. Whether it’s away or at home. Everyone needs it.
My week was great.
I’ve done so much self reflection lately and have leaned a lot about myself during this process. Here are some things that came to light:
– I am strong
– I do want recovery (sometimes we work hard at recovery but work even harder at tying to convince ourselves that we want recovery)
– I am making progress physically
– I am making enormous mental progress. I think more. I question my actions. I don’t act impulsively. That is what led to my all or nothing attitude.
– In the past 172 days I have seen a glimpse into the life I have been missing.
– I am angry. So angry that this illness took control of my life for so long. I am taking that anger to help push me through recovery.
Everything I have learned is all fantastic. It’s all wonderful and it’s all giving me positive rewards.
This week has felt great.
The last couple of weeks were difficult and I was afraid. Afraid that I would relapse because the fight was so difficult. But I pushed, fought and made myself uncomfortable which is all part of the process. It is hard. It sucks and it’s a minute to minute struggle. So I was afraid.
But I survived, proving to myself that I am capable of this. I am capable of anything I want. And I want recovery.
So this week was fantastic. It felt positive, it felt victorious and it ended with multiple trips to Tarjey.
What more could I ask for?